Discomfort in coaching, a sign of an obvious progression!
The paradox of a person who is being coached: the less you do, the better you do!
My clients come for many reasons, and most of the time to become the best version of themselves.
Even if they are not aware of it, this is what awaits them.
Yet my clients experience a real discomfort in this comfort zone that they know so well... They realize that something is wrong and want to "change".
To change, to get out of one's comfort zone, requires a lot of effort and self-surpassing.
Initially, they vegetate in their comfort zone and know that to improve, they must get out of it. This is not simple: this zone is our "guarantee of safety".
Despite this illusion of security, the comfort zone is a real source of inner suffering.
It limits us in the development of our potential, our personal growth, and strongly influences our self-confidence.
"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."
RALPH WALDO EMERSON
Getting out of the comfort zone
Thanks to my ICF (International Coach Federation) mental coaching curriculum and my specialization in NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) I can help my clients to get out of this zone.
One of the goals of coaching is to make your initial comfort zone become uncomfortable, and then, paradoxically, comfortable.
At the crossroads of this change is the fear zone, and a little later in the process is the learning zone.
To be at ease in an unknown land...
When you become aware of what you really want to do with your life, every time you try to turn away from it, you will feel discomfort.
You are struggling to remain who you are, but the real you, the one you want to become, wants to assert himself or herself...you have to accept it and let it do it, let it guide you, let it make you shine!
I have a lot of clients who, in the middle of the coaching process, are wondering what is happening to them.
We have set a SMARTP goal (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Time-bound and Positively stated) and yet along the way something is happening...my clients are faced with ambivalence.
What happens to my clients is that their comfort zone, which they know so well, now gives them a paradoxical feeling. This comfort zone is no longer so "pleasant"; getting out of it is not much more pleasant either. This transition is called the fear zone..
In this area, various elements come to haunt my clients:
- Fear of failure, of what "others" will say, etc.
- Fear of success. Yes, what if my goal comes true...? This Fear exists beautifully and well...you have to be ready to say goodbye to a part of yourself...
- Limiting beliefs ("it's hard to succeed in business in Europe", etc.).
- Lack of self-confidence
- Lack of self-esteem
- The entourage sometimes fearful, sometimes jealous, sometimes pessimistic...
- Etc,
Anecdote: stress and irritability in the comfort zone
You all know the "comfort zone": its name is not due to chance...
When you come to me for coaching, you can hardly miss what is really wrong, you quickly realize that you are responsible for your life and that you are the only one who can act.
I push you into your entrenchments for your own good, but the discomfort increases.
I've been coaching a client for a few months, he's the perfect example for this article and I'll name him Arthur.
In a coaching session, he regains motivation and distance from his situation.
He is so used to living in this comfort zone, a zone that is unique to each person, that he doesn't come out of it easily.
He undertakes actions that are in line with his final objective, but quickly returns to his comfort zone.
Arthur has several fears:
- Success
- Displease and lose part of your entourage
- Failure
- Saying goodbye to a part of himself
- ...
But as soon as Arthur knows his goal (SMARTP) and that it is not only fulfilling his life mission, he experiences discomfort even in his comfort zone.
La particularité, c’ est que, chez Arthur, les signes sont somatiques … Ils sont puissants: démangeaisons, fatigue, stress, irritabilité,…
During the session, I only have to ask him what this uncomfortable feeling wants to communicate to him, and he will find the answer fairly quickly.
My client can no longer pretend not to know his objective, he can no longer ignore his call.
So, we work on his fears, his beliefs, we work on the principle of modelling, we work on self-confidence and many other areas.
"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone."
NEALE DONALD WALSCH
Do you know what is the most difficult?
Getting my client to accept to believe in his dream, but also to say goodbye to a part of himself, and maybe to say goodbye to some people.
Arthur is afraid to shine and the consequences of doing so!
Coaching is like starting a high-level sport, and as with any sport, the beginnings are trying! It is the price to pay to become the best version of yourself.
The process is not over with this client... I know that one day soon, he will tell me that he feels comfortable and that he knows he is fulfilling his life mission.
I have my method: when the objective is defined, when it is SMARTP and when it meets your life "mission", I guarantee you, you can't miss it or pretend it doesn't exist.
You can't always resist your intuition.
Your heart has tasted it, your brain has tasted it, and you can always ignore your intuition... As long as you try to return to your initial situation, an attitude that does not go in the direction of your objective, another discomfort will be waiting for you.
A discomfort that constantly reminds you that your choices that are not consistent in achieving your goal are not good for you.
When one of my clients experiences such a situation, I suggest to him to ask himself the following questions:
- "What does my body want to tell me?"
- "What does this discomfort mean to me?"
- "Are my actions consistent with my goal?"
If the answer to this last question is no, he knows what he has to do. It's all about taking actions, and following the blockage I help my client to surpass himself, I help him to seek resources used in other past circumstances, I help him by working on those beliefs that limit him.
In a process of professional and/or personal development, it is also possible that friends may drift apart.
And yes.... becoming the best version of yourself makes you more likely to attract the right people to you, and make all the wrong ones leave quite naturally. It's also uncomfortable: you have to be able to mourn part of your past.
Once again, an ICF coach will allow you to move on to the next level more quickly, but there is a price to pay...: discomfort, surpassing yourself!
The price to pay: discomfort, at least at the beginning.
Becoming the best version of ourselves has a price that we call discomfort.
This discomfort is a redemptive ordeal.
My method is effective, with one condition -> you will have to play the game all the way through and get out of your comfort zone. This is your autonomy. You are master of your person and your destiny.
Remember: when you enter the learning zone and feel the benefits, it becomes inconceivable to return to the old comfort zone!
I look forward to helping you,
David Talamvekos
Peak Mental Coach
